Natty Rush Watermelon Smash

Today’s Mistake: Natty Rush Watermelon Smash. For those pesky pledges that won’t drink regular Natty!


8% alcohol by volume

25 fl oz can

Price: $2.95

ABQ: 27.2

This is the dumbest thing you’ve ever seen, right? It’s actually called “Rush.” I love that these aggressive alcopops have a 50/50 shot at sharing a name with a brand of poppers (check out this pin). In case you were scared off by the subtlety of the name itself, they went ahead and called the flavor “WATERMELON SMASH” so your BROS know you don’t drink like a BITCH.

If nothing else, I can say with certainty that the powers that be over at Natural Light (or, really, Anheuser Busch) are fully self-aware, and honestly, that’s refreshing. In addition to this product, and “Naturdays,” Natural Light will also do crazy shit like sell a pallet-sized variety case of their beer with, wait for it, 77 cans inside. Look at this big son of a gun!

At least they don’t pretend it’s marketed towards anything other than college kids trying to get tuned out of their minds without, you know, breaking the bank. In that sense, it’s kind of nice to see a brand being honest. I can’t wait for their next promotion, Natty Slidez, which is a Natural Light powered slip-n-slide for use while tailgating with your BOYS.

That’s not to say that Natural Light is the only shitty macro that markets itself appropriately. I remember, when I was in college 50 years ago, that all of the fraternities on campus preferred kegs of Keystone Light to anything else, as much for the cost as the “Keith Stone” marketing campaign that was running in those days.

That shit is like catnip for horny frat bros. Incredible.

ANYWAY – back to that monstrosity at the top. Natty Rush is an alcopop offshoot of the Natural Light family that comes in several flavors (the other two are Blue Frostbite and Hurricane Punch) and is ostensibly a competitor to things like Four Loko and Mike’s Harder. Since they’ve already got in a built-in and loyal fanbase, I imagine these are outperforming other alcopops handily. But is it any good? My friends, I’m sure it’s terrible.

Color

It’s red! Looks like a strawberry Fanta.

Taste

You’re not expecting anything subtle from a drink called “Watermelon Punch,” but even then, this thing is first-degree aggravated assault in liquid form. It actually doesn’t taste horrible at first, while it’s still blisteringly cold, but as it warms up you get a lot of Jolly Rancher and cough syrup. The alcohol is noticeable too, though not quite like the stronger Four Loko.

Mouthfeel

Slightly thicker than a soda. But not much. Again, not awful while it’s cold, but you’d better drink this quickly.

Packaging

They put green and pink on the can so you know it’s got watermelon in it!

Price

Hell of a bargain! Four or five of these’ll mess you up good.

Final Verdict

I didn’t hate it as much as I’d think. Can’t recommend it unless you’re a frat brother, in which case, go for it! 2 out of a possible 5.

Weird YouTube Channel of the Week – HAPPY WOK (137,259 subscribers)

I’m subscribed to, like, 600 different cooking channels on YouTube, and 95% of them are over exaggerated clickbait hell holes, so it’s refreshing when a channel is succinct and to the point. HAPPY WOK is minimalist as hell. There’s no talking and the videos are all slightly sped up. My favorite part? The “DO NOT PIRATE MY VIDEO” watermark on every release.