Today’s Mistake: Keystone. No ice, no light. Just Keystone.


4.4% alcohol by volume

12 ounce can

Price: $15.99 (12-pack)

ABQ: 39.69

Did you know about this? Were you aware that, outside of the light and ice categories, Keystone actually exists? I’ve spent years looking for the elusive “Key Pre,” the beer too weak to be “ice” and too strong to be “light.” And here it is, a towering scarlet beauty, ready for consumption and scrutiny. They used to call it “Keystone Premium,” but I can’t remember seeing that before either. In fact, this sucker might be a figment of my imagination, a hallucination brought on by years of drinking Boone’s Farm and eating KFC Double Downs (THEY’RE BACK!). Honestly, the Double Down gets a lot of shit, and rightfully so, but compared to other fast food atrocities it’s not that bad!

fat cat

ANYWAY, I’m not really sure where you’d find one of these vanilla Keystones. I happened upon a twelve-pack at a random beer store in Chinatown and there were no others. It was like finding Jumanji! Hopefully the walls don’t start bleeding.


It looks not unlike the other ‘Stones. Which, in turn, look not unlike every other shitty lager on earth.


Inoffensive, uninteresting. Reminds me a lot of Budweiser, which is not exactly a ringing endorsement.


Maybe it’s an old beer, but it’s a little flatter than the other variants.


Gotta love those mountains! Even after staring at the can for an hour, it’s still weird to see it in red.


I won’t bitch about the price, because I may never find it again.

Final Verdict

It’s Keystone. It’s shitty. But it’s rare at least! 2 out of a possible 5.