Mike’s Hard Strawberry Margarita

Today’s Mistake: Mike’s Hard Strawberry Margarita. I’M BACK BITCHES.


5% alcohol by volume

11.2 ounce bottle

Price: $2.89

ABQ: 19.37 

A review of Mike’s Hard Strawberry Margarita, coming up after some travel notes.

I left the country for a few weeks to discover myself anew. I thought perhaps some time away from Philadelphia would help me learn interesting things I’d never known. Maybe I was really into watercolors, or pilates. I was trying to find something to call a discovery, some tangible bit of self-awareness I could hang my hat on. Did I do that? Did I do any of that? Of course not. I drank shitty beer and sweated profusely while people wondered, sometimes aloud and in a different language, just what the hell was wrong with this guy.

That’s all bullshit, of course (the watercolors and pilates stuff, not the beer and the sweating). I spent a week each in Lebanon and Turkey, two places I’d never seen before and never expected to, and somehow didn’t offend anyone enough to get kidnapped, shot at, or spit upon. Then again, I was usually too busy sweating. As a Generic White Dude from America, I didn’t exactly fit in with the Beirutis and İstanbullus, but I did my best to keep to myself and say “thank you,” “please,” “sorry sir, I didn’t know that was your girlfriend,” and shit like that in the native tongue. As it turns out, Arabic and Turkish aren’t exactly easy to pick up. One does not waltz into a Lebanese restaurant with a phrasebook and charm the shit out of the owners, so much so that they marry you off to their insanely gorgeous Lebanese daughter and set you up for life with a cushy Lebanese desk job.

Nope. I could barely order a glass of wine without somehow mangling their language. All in all, it was a great trip, and I came back with a suitcase full of shitty Lebanese and Turkish alcopop. I’ll be reviewing those in the coming days. As for this, well, it’s Mike’s. Nothing remotely special about it.

Oh, and I lost my camera while in Turkey, so the picture quality on this website is about to take a nosedive.


A nice reddish pink. It’s the color of love.


“Margarita” in this case means a heavy dose of fake lime, and the strawberry sort of gets lost in the mix. It doesn’t taste like much of anything for something so sweet.


Not unlike a craft soda. You know, the sodas that actually taste pretty good but don’t have the sharp carbonated crack of a mass produced soda.


Again, Mike’s is not special. Just looks like the others.


What’s with the 11.2 ounce bottle? This is America dammit.

Final Verdict

PDS: Pretty Damn Shitty. But not that shitty. 2 out of a possible 5.