Redd’s Apple Ale

Today’s Mistake: Redd’s Apple Ale. Is it ale? Is it cider? Do I care?

redd apple

5% alcohol by volume

12 ounce bottle

Price: $2.39

ABQ: 25.10

The answer to all three questions is “absolutely not.” Except for maybe the second. Or maybe not. I cannot tell, because I’m blinded by Redd’s oppressive, unwavering shittiness. I’ve seen Redd’s at a few bars in Philadelphia, but I’m horrified/delighted to find out today that it’s made by Miller, or MillerCoors, or whatever they go by this month. They decided to call this thing an ale, rather than a cider, because I guess apple ale sounds manlier and we all know MillerCoors wants us to MAN UP and stop drinking like French people. But c’mon sons, this is cider all the way, and you know it. And that shitty marketing junk on the top makes me even angrier: “An exceptionally crisp apple ale.” You can almost see the jerk who thought that up close his eyes and pinch his fingers at “exceptionally.”

Color

You know what it looks like MillerCoors? It looks like Stella Artois Cidre. That’s right, it closely resembles a Belgian cider. And a shitty one at that. Good thing it’s got some caramel color added.

Taste

Unlike most ciders, there’s no attempt made at masking the alcohol. This is easily the most disgusting apple flavored beverage I’ve ever had, and I once drank Everclear mixed with a Manzanita Sol. If I were an apple, I’d be offended.

Mouthfeel

Slightly carbonated, watery.

Packaging

There is an apple on the label, which really helped me figure out what the flavor was supposed to be. “Apple ale” is just too confusing.

Price

I will never buy this again, and I urge you to avoid it as well.

Final Verdict

Redd’s Apple Ale is an abomination. If you happen upon it in a store, remove the bottles from the fridge and smash them on the ground. 1 out of a possible 5.