Efes Xtra

Today’s Mistake: Efes Extra. TURKISH THUNDER.efeszfra

7.5% alcohol by volume

16 ounce can

Price: ₺8 (about $4)

ABQ: 30.00

As far as beer goes, Turkey is a pretty sad place. There’s nothing particularly exciting or interesting about the stuff. It just sucks. In fact, there’s only one place in the entire country, as far as I know, that makes a decent beer: The Bosphorus Brewing Company. It’s a little place tucked in a weird neighborhood in Istanbul, but easily one of the coolest brewpubs I’ve ever been to. After two weeks of shit beer, it was an oasis, and I got nice and rip-roaring sauced there. We’re talking old man by the sea drunk. Which is fitting, because afterwards, we actually took a boat across the Bosphorus and had dinner at a lavish Turkish restaurant, where I enjoyed the same five things I’d been eating that week. I got so hammered, in fact, that I left my camera there (or on the boat, or on the street, or with a homeless dude) and lost a ton of great pictures. When I started bitching and moaning to everyone else about my misfortune/stupidity, they all asked the same thing: “Well, you’re like, a tech guy. Didn’t you just back them up to the cloud or something?”

Of course I didn’t. I don’t trust the cloud. None of us should trust it. Just ask Jennifer Lawrence and all those other babes that got hacked. Anyway, that was the camera I used to take pictures for this website, and once I lost it, I also lost any and all motivation I had to continue reviewing junk like Efes Xtra. I’ve decided to stop acting like a little shit and start up again, because my life lacks substance, meaning, and almost everything else. All I’ve got is this admittedly impressive backlog of disgusting, shitty alcohol. And I’m going to drink every last one of ’em.

Color

Oh god is it ever dark. This is the color of liver failure.

Taste

Like an ice beer. Awfully reminiscent of something like Red Dog or Ice House, or another of those ridiculous private label beers that BMC and AB make.

Mouthfeel

One night in Istanbul I drank a sixer of these and befriended a stray cat (there are thousands of them roaming the streets). He actually got on my lap and everything. Moral of the story: don’t drink six of these or you’ll get rabies or mange or something.

Packaging

FORCEFUL.

Price

Why can’t US dollars have a cooler symbol? The symbol for lira is badass. Same for yen. Even euros are cooler. Ours is a mangled, shortbus “s.”

Final Verdict

It’s not a terrible beer. I certainly wouldn’t recommend drinking six of them at once, as I did in Turkey. Live and learn. 2 out of a possible 5.