Budweiser

Today’s Mistake: Budweiser. The Pale King.

budweiser5% alcohol by volume

12 ounce bottle

Price: $1.60

ABQ: 37.50

When’s the last you actually drank a Budweiser? Not a Bud Light. Not a Bud Light Platinum, or a Bud Light Lime, or even a Bud Ice, but a good old honest Bud? It’s been at least three years, right? Regular Budweiser, or “Bud Heavy” if you’re a jackass, is a beer so completely bland it makes the rest of the shit they make interesting by default. It’s iconic, for sure, and they can still crank out a nice cheesy commercial, but the King of Beers is nobody’s first choice. I’m serious about these commercials. Some of them could give you diabetes:

That commercial aired during a Super Bowl like ten years ago, and I still think about it periodically. I’m all for
“supporting the troops,” but stuff like this is manipulative, opportunistic, and misguided. To their credit, Anheuser-Busch does donate a lot of money to military causes, but if I were a former soldier I’d be pissed off at commercials like those. What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, Budweiser.

Color

You’re never going to guess what color it is! Oh, did you say yellow? Yeah, it’s yellow. Good guess.

Taste

Well, it tastes like I always remembered it: a slice of moldy bread dipped in corn syrup. It’s much sweeter than Bud Light, which doesn’t come as a surprise, and there’s no trace of any flavor more complex than “rice.” Most adjuncts use corn, but Bud goes for the rice.

Mouthfeel

Thin and watery.

Packaging

As I said before, iconic label. It’s parodied endlessly, so that’s worth something.

Price

It’s cheap, but I bought a single bottle. Sixers and cases aren’t exactly cheap by adjunct standards.

Final Verdict

I do not like it. SARRY. 1 out of a possible 5.