XXL Vodka Cranberry

Today’s Mistake: XXL Vodka Cranberry. Ready for Party!

xxl cranberry

10.2% alcohol by volume

250 ml can

Price: ₺7 (about $3.50)

ABQ: 24.62

So this thing is all kinds of weird. It’s some sort of German party beverage that I bought in Istanbul and flew all the way back to America, only to stuff it in the closet and forget about it entirely. The can actually says “Ready for Party” on the front there, and I cannot agree more. This can is ready for party and it don’t care who knows it. Supposedly there are several varieties of “XXL,” although I only managed to track down two of them. I like to think it’s the European answer to Four Loko, although for all I know this probably came first and has a dedicated, serious following over there. Unfortunately, Europeans don’t know how to do alcopop properly: it’s only 10.2 percent, and this puny ass can is not getting the average American shithead ready for party. I NEED those 23.5 ounces that only a Four Loko can give me. I do, however, feel mad cultured. The can has the ingredients in French, German, and Arabic. But not Turkish, which is bizarre, considering I bought the damn thing in Turkey.

Color

Very light red. Sort of like heavily diluted cranberry juice.

Taste

Lighter than the 10.2% might suggest, and really not all that sweet either. I’m impressed by how subtle the flavor is, actually. You don’t expect subtlety from a drink called “XXL.”

Mouthfeel

Not unlike a wine cooler, or maybe one of those shitty sodas they sell at Whole Foods. Who drinks that crap? I don’t want a lightly carbonated boysenberry-starfruit spritzer. Gimme a Mountain Dew or some shit.

Packaging

READY FOR PARTY. Beautiful.

Price

The ABQ definitely suffers from can size. 250 ml is roughly 8.5 ounces, and that is not enough for my fat American sensibilities

Final Verdict

I really like this stuff. If I lived in Istanbul or Germany or wherever the hell it’s sold, I’d crush these on the reg. 3 out of a possible 5.