Miller Fortune

Today’s Mistake: Miller Fortune, for the discerning day drinker.

miller fortune

6.9% alcohol by volume

24 ounce can

Price: $2.99

ABQ: 55.38

I learned about Miller Fortune a few days ago. It was most assuredly the best part of the week. One of my favorite macro beverages is the glistening pile of shit that is Bud Light Platinum, and it’s not because it tastes good. It’s a “supercharged” adjunct lager, and I’m hopeful that this becomes a style of beer that catches on immediately. Where Bud Light Platinum tried to sex up light American lagers, Miller Fortune is geared towards “young people” who’d rather drink hard liquor. According to MillerCoors, youths these days aren’t interested in drinking beer, because it’s not strong enough, and it doesn’t have enough flavor to hold their attention, which may very well be true if you’re drinking Corona all the freaking time. But young people do not hate beer, and in fact, most of them love it. They just don’t like shitty beer, and since Miller deals exclusively in shitty beer, they needed something powerful and imposing to grab the Flappy Bird generation.

Color

A slightly darker yellow than the average adjunct. Looks a lot like malt liquor.

Taste

It certainly tastes a lot stronger than any Miller product I’ve ever had. If I loved hard liquor more than beer, I suppose this would be appreciated. The problem is, there are hundred of other beers at 6.9%, and none of them taste like a meth-addicted scarecrow.

Mouthfeel

Go to Loews or Home Depot and find the paint aisle. Look for “I Lost My Job Today” yellow and slurp up a mouthful. That’s what Miller Fortune feels like.

Packaging

I love that can. It’s badass and minimal. I didn’t take a picture of the side, where “FORTUNE” is written sideways in some scary font, but I like that as well.

Price

Not all that different from a big can of malt liquor. Which is what this is. A big can of malt liquor.

Final Verdict

It tastes like that sugar water Edgar drinks in Men In Black. The can is pretty sweet. 2 out of a possible 5.