Coors Light

Today’s Mistake: Coors Light. With another light beer comes another stupid bottle gimmick.

coors_light

4.2% alcohol by volume

12 ounce bottle

Price: $1.39

ABQ: 36.25

I’m so glad we live in a country where one stage cold activation isn’t acceptable. It’s our undeniable, unassailable right as Americans: we demand two stage cold activation, and we shall not rest until it’s ours. Legend has it our forefathers were fighting not against taxation without representation, and not against the tyranny of England, but rather against warm beer. In a lost, unprinted chapter of Common Sense, Thomas Paine had this to say about oppressive beer practices:

“Alas, we have been led astray by the warm ales and impure lagers of our captors; not once have I tasted from a flagon with two stage cold activation, nor have I been served by a wench with rockin’ tits in a totally sweet tavern. O, how I pine for blue mountains! We must fight first against warm beers, and second against our enemies in Red.”

The good people at MillerCoors have upheld Mr. Paine’s way of life, and to this day, you’ll see cold activated cans and bottles, along with commercials that feature beautiful girls with, as he put it, “rockin’ tits.” I took a close-up picture this time, because I’d like for you to know just how cold this bottle is. This is the kind of cold the founding fathers fought and died for.

Color

Amber waves of grain! Or more specifically, totally yellow and not at all interesting.

Taste

More or less indiscernible from any other macro lager, although I will say that Coors Light is slightly less flavorful that Bud Light or Miller Lite. That’s what I’m looking for in a shitty adjunct beer.

Mouthfeel

Pleasantly crispy, ludicrously cold, ultimately disappointing.

Packaging

Are you kidding me? It’s got TWO STAGE COLD ACTIVATION. Oh, and what’s that behind the logo? A football!

Price

Even cheaper than Miller Lite, which is strange, because I consider the two near equal in many ways.

Final Verdict

It’s a shit beer, no denying it, but I love a good bottle gimmick. That’s worth a point all by itself. 2 out of a possible 5.